Kiss The Kanda
by CodeName A.N.D.Y
Summary: It was around the more depressing days at the Black Order that the kids thought up a game. The name and aim of this game was simple: Kiss The Kanda. [Involves swearing, yaoi, adult themes, and poor baby Kanda getting very, very violated. NO PAIRINGS]


**I don't usually put A/N's at the start of stories, but**** I just wanted to say that this was written for fun. This means there's OC-ness it's probably not written very well and I didn't take the time to fix all the grammar and spelling mistakes. So remember that I have warned you so any reviews saying _'u splled wrds rong stupd!1!'_ or _'Allen wuld'_****_t say thngs lik tht!'_ will be ignored.**

**Also! This story involves boys kissing boys, also meaning reviews saying _'u r gross. U made Allen kss Kanda. I cant evn lok at u rite now D:'_ will consequently be overlooked! I'm sorry if I seem rude but I find it's the easiest way to get things across.**

**And one last thing. I sadly don't, and never will, own DGM nor am I making money in any form from this fic.**

**Anyway! Thank-you for listening while I rambled on. Now we can begin the story! Yay!**

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Lavi and Allen smiled at each other as the moody raven haired samurai walked into the room. The rest of the group, Lenalee, Timothy, Miranda and even Krory were huddled around in a circle with Allen and Lavi, who were obviously calling the shots. Though Krory was only there to spectate, no way was he joining in this performance.

"Okay" Lavi whispered "You all know the rules. The one with the most points at the end of the day wins. The points don't count if he manages to punch you. And if he catches you, you are disqualified or most likely dead since this is Kanda we are talking about" the rest of the nodded.

It was a simple game with a huge prize. Winning meant not getting anything and losing meant you had to clean the kitchen for a month. Not a job any of them wanted. Of course they didn't have to play, but where was the fun in that?

"Ready" Allen said, a smile on his face "Set" the others looked around to see Kanda placing his bowl down and start to eat "GO!" they all jumped up and ran, though the only one to actually run towards Kanda was Lavi.

"Hey! Yuu!" the redheaded boy yelled. When the grumpy Japanese boy looked up he was shocked by the feeling of Lavi's lips crashing against his. Before the poor violated man could do anything Lavi pulled back and laughed shouting a gleeful "One point for me!" then running quickly out of the room before he could be made into a kebab by a stunned and quite frankly fuming Kanda and his trusty Mugen.

Everyone in the room looked confused as Krory nodded and marked something on a clipboard.

Lavi – 1

Kanda had a sneaking suspicion that what he had just been subject to was far from over. This was to be a long, long, day.

It was around 9 o'clock when Lenalee walked over, a smile on her face as she watched Kanda. He of course noticed right away and glared up at her half-heartedly "what do want?" he muttered. He couldn't just meditate in peace?

"Oh nothing…" she said, the tone in her voice obviously stating that there was something.

"You're really just gon-" he was cut off by a pair of lips. Kanda's cheeks burned red when Lenalee pulled back, a triumphant smile on her face.

"Oh, come now. That wasn't so bad" she said before turning and walking out the room, stopping at the door and looking at someone who Kanda couldn't see "Point!" she cheered and raised her hand, holding up one finger.

There was a cheer and Lavi jumped into view and gave her a high-five "Well done, Lena!" he cheered before running into the room and once again kissing the poor Kanda and running away quickly, screaming "But I'm still winning!" as he did.

Trying his best not to involve himself in this childish game, Kanda took a deep breath and calmed himself, going back to meditating. Though it was only minutes before a very loud and mischievous looking Allen bustled in. Kanda didn't even have time to dodge before the white haired exorcist had him pinned to the floor and shoved his tongue into his mouth. Kanda, this time, managed to push his attacker away but before he had time to grab Mugen and chop the stupid bean sprout into small edible chunks the boy had fled, laughing and yelling out "Five points for tongue action!"

It was then that Kanda realised that it was in fact 'Kiss Kanda Day' and if he was to rid himself of being violated over and over and over again, he should quickly and quietly make a hasty retreat to his room. Not that he would admit he was in fact retreating, no he was merely… saving the rest of humanity from being slaughtered when he loses his very easily set off temper.

He was almost at his room when a blushing and very flustered Miranda walked up to him, tapping him on the shoulder. He spun around, glaring angrily, expecting it to be Lavi or Allen again. He was only met with a squeak and flurry of apologies as the inky haired woman ran away with tears in her eyes.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Kanda had fallen asleep and when he was woken late that evening by a knock on his door he had all but forgotten about the game everyone was playing. He moodily swung open the door, ready to slice the person who woke him up in two.

In front of him stood a small boy, a bandana over his head and a smirk on his lips. His clothes where slightly too big and his hands were shoved into his pockets.

Kanda rubbed a hand over his face as he lowered Mugen. Sure he was cold-hearted but the point was he had a heart to be cold and he wasn't about to cut a kid. "Can I help you?" he asked in a rather rude tone.

"Why yes, Kanda, yes you can" the boy smirked evilly up at him.

_-A Short Time Later-_

A group of people sat once again around the table, Miranda, Krory, Allen, Lenalee and Lavi. One member was missing but that was to be expected, it was probably past Timothy's bed time anyway.

"One point" Lenalee looked proud of herself "I think I should get extra though, seeing as Koumi didn't even find out about it"

"I got two points" Lavi said happily "I would have got more, but after Allen kissed him Yuu disappeared…"

"I didn't get any…" Miranda said, slightly disappointed.

"I got five points!" Allen stated happily "I win!"

"Hold up!" a voice chirped in "I think you'll find that I win" everyone turned to see a cheerful looking Timothy. His hair was slightly messier than usual and his knees had scrapes on them but he looked fine otherwise.

"You got more than five points?!" Miranda looked shocked.

Timothy just shrugged, sitting down casually and examining his nails "I don't know… depends on how many points I get for shagging him…"

"YOU WHAT?!" everyone at the table yelled, some choking on air, Miranda passing out and Lavi getting a blood nose at the mental images that passed through his head.

"YOU'RE, LIKE, FIVE YEARS OLD!" Allen managed to choke out

"I'm nine!" Timothy defended "and besides, I win, so what's your point" Lavi began thumping his head against the table as Lenalee sat wide eyed in her seat, to shocked to say anything.

"That… No" he shuddered and cringed "The game is called Kiss The Kanda, Key word being kiss. It's not Bang The Kanda. no-one would want to play that" Allen said, looking disbelievingly at the nine year old.

"But I just did" Timothy shrugged carelessly.

At that moment a very disheveled and utterly piss off Kanda decided to storm into the cafeteria. His sights quickly set on Timothy, who paled. "YOU!" Kanda yelled, fuming. He picked Timothy up by the collar, drawing a frightened yelp from the boy "you think it's funny to turn up at people's doors, possess them, then make them wank off?! You think that's a fun pass time?!"

The rest of the group suddenly understood better, some of them even finding it in themselves to laugh. But then… "WHAT!? How do you even know about these things!? You're nine!" Lavi said with disbelief.

Timothy just grinned and let out a small laugh before Kanda was yelling again "I'm going to kill you, then resurrect you, make you clean my sheets, then kill you again. Slowly, painfully, and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it" he said in a murderous tone, a smile on his face and an insane quirk in his eyes.

"Oooh… kinky…"

"Shut it, you stupid rabbit, or you'll join him!"

It was decided after a small conversation that Timothy was the undisputed champion of the game and that he should never be involved in these types of competitions ever again. Kanda made a point of never going anywhere near the boy again and Timothy did end up cleaning Kanda's sheets and he got a stern talking to from Emilia. Needless to say, he probably won't ever try something like that again.

But then again… he really did hate losing…

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**If you hated it then I'm sorry, _BUT_ if you found some kind of joy out of it I would love it if you told me so. Reviews are always nice :) And if you liked it then I might end up writing some more better written fics with significantly ****enhanced** grammar. (I'm kidding about the grammar bit, that is one thing I can never improve on...)

**XXXX Andy.**


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